Oldies But Goodies

Some stories just stay with you. This was making the rounds years ago, in the pre-web days. You've probably heard variations of this several times, I know I have. But I still smile every time I hear it. It has also evolved into an "in" joke. Many are the times when either I or the person I am with will hear someone say something, turn to the other, and say "Do you still have the box?" It will undoubtedly make the other person smile.

Whether you've heard this before or not, it's still funny and frighteningly appropriate for a large number of people. So read on...

This is a true story from the WordPerfect Help Line, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing Wordperfect for "Termination without Cause."

This is the actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.

(Now I know why they record these conversations!)


"Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind , can you move your cursor around the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What is a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that look like a T.V.. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

"Yes, it is."

"Good, now when you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there againand find the other cable."

"Okay, here it is."

"Fine, follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach it."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, its not because I don't have the right angle...it's because it's dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power failure."

"A Pow..... A Power failure? Aha, okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the box and manual and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good. Go get them, unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really?" Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
(End of recording)

I think these people are building system from the previous post. They're too stupid to build software.